So I didn’t realize that when I tried going live on Substack yesterday, it would email you all. Oh my gosh. Mortified.
I went live to show you all how special and fun the Zibby Retreat was this weekend — and to test out the new Substack feature. (I also posted a bunch of reels about it.) I’m not doing this as a marketing tactic; I’m doing it to showcase what is possible emotionally even in today’s busy, divisive world.
The retreat crystallized why I do everything I do. I strive to create warm, safe, beautiful environments in which goosebump-like interpersonal magic can occur with lasting effects. My goal is to foster and harness the power (and fun!) of real connections between and among people, made deeper through books. Books are the lighter fluid for the blaze of the barbecue.
One woman said the Zibby Retreats always help her learn about herself. I love that. Our retreat this weekend was full of author talks, festive meals, field trips, and more. By this morning, we were all crying, listening to bestselling author and Oprah’s pick Lara Love Hardin share parts of her life she’d never shared before, even in her memoir. We were silent, holding tissues, holding space.
All the authors shared something that resonated with someone. Books were sold. Ideas exchanged. Personally, I got some fabulous new ideas and will amend the paid portion of this Substack to be called “The Takeaways” with curated author advice, playlists, videos, and more from my podcast, mining 2,000 episodes of content in a user-friendly way. Moms also don’t have time to listen to podcasts. (Stay tuned for that.)
Ironically, while I was leading the intimate retreat along with my amazing team, I was also posting on Instagram about the incident at the Albany Book Festival. Two authors, Lisa Ko and Aisha Abdel Gawad, “refused to share the stage with a Zionist” and wouldn’t do their Coming of Age panel discussion with Elisa Alpert, a Jewish author. Even though Elisa held her head high and said she would do the panel alone, the festival then cancelled it.
I’ve been thinking about how outraged I am about this all weekend. In my Instagram post, I mentioned how this would never fly if, say, two white authors refused to share a stage with a Black author. But somehow this racist behavior is okay. Tolerated. Barely reported on.
It’s time for everyone in our country to behave.
When did it become okay to refuse to collaborate based on race or religion? I mean, seriously. We can’t even do an event together anymore, people? When did it become okay to cancel each other? (I just finished writing an entire novel examining this.) When did it become okay to slander each other, to post horrific, mean, threatening missives to each other through social media, to destroy each other’s businesses? All of this has happened over this weekend to people I know and love.
What happened to all those basic human values like treating others with respect? Welcoming other viewpoints? Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes? THIS IS WHAT BOOKS ARE DESIGNED TO DO!
What happened to simply not being racist? Did I miss a memo? Is our society now inexplicably condoning this? Antisemitism is just a form of racism.
By allowing incidents like the Albany Book Festival to happen, everyone is complicit.
Some authors who have been on my podcast approved of what happened at the festival and posted comments supporting it. I gasped when I saw one from someone I’d considered a friend. Another in the long list of betrayals over the past year, another nick on the table, another slight scrape that just might hit a vein.
To any authors reading this: we should be the role models. We should be encouraging empathy because that is why books basically exist. We should be sharing the stage with as many people as possible, not just with people who think exactly the way we do. We should be talking and listening to others, really listening. We should be kind, the way we were raised. The way schools used to teach. The way our leaders used to model.
We can’t change the entire world. But we can email festival organizers and say we’re upset. We can DM Elisa Alpert and show support. We can post and say: this is not okay. Because this is not okay. These are not the human, decent values we believe in. This is not even what it means to be American. Aren’t we supposed to be united?! It’s in our friggin’ name.
The retreat showed me, yet again, that it is possible. That people can be really kind. That when you share your innermost, vulnerable thoughts, other people feel seen, too. When you put out laughter and good vibes, you get them right back. When you read, you open worlds and connect on multiple levels.
Please, please, stop gushing hate. Start offering up love to others.
Share the stage.
Share the love.
At the least, share a book.
How to Connect or Die Trying